JFK (1991)
Let me tell you a story about the horrible conspiracy surrounding the Assassination of John F. Kennedy:
A group of crazy homosexuals got gussied up in crazy get-ups and got high on drugs…
…and Kevin Bacon said “LET’S KILL THAT STRAIGHT JFK STUD!” And Tommy Lee Jones let out a giant “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT” in agreement. The End.
SOUNDS LIKE A BULLSHIT STORY, YA HOMOPHOBE!
(Happy Chicago Gay Pride Weekend!)
Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984)
This movie is the best movie to be made during my year of birth (second only to Amadeus). This movie has everything! Commentary on the social class system, local townsfolk against the corporate machine, interracial relationships, and good old BREAK DANCING! Who could ask for more?!
Oh! Could I maybe get some Ice T with my movie?
WHY YES YOU CAN! God, he’s wearing a lot of studs.
Did Horatio Sanz have an older brother in movies?
And what follows is Ozone giving Turbo some advice on how to woo a lady:
…but after failing miserably, they just decide to gay it out instead!
24 (various seasons)
In order to congratulate Jack Bauer for a job well done tracking down that elusive terrorist Osama Bin Laden, I’ve decided to post pictures that I’ve accumulated from watching SEASON AFTER SEASON of 24. And sorry, but no Chloe O’Brien pictures, because she has perpetual stink-face and it would have been ALL TOO EASY.
JACK’S GOT A NERVE DISEASE!!!
Sorry, Bill. I’m too hopped up on Heroin to de-brief anymore.
Wayne Palmer made this face ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
Jack: Cole, come in…Cole? Are you okay?
Cole: I’m fine, I’m just frozen in horror, thinking about that time I played Freddy from Scooby Doo.
…and after 8 days of US terrorism action, 2 years of chinese torture, and a lame day in Africa, Jack finally gets the quiet, dark place he deserves…UNTIL THE MOVIE COMES OUT!!!!!
Blazing Saddles (1974)
And now for some nostalgia. I used to watch this movie endlessly when I was 9. Mom was like ‘you’ve got to watch this’. Best parenting idea EVER.
Ooooh! Ow! Ouch!
It’s good to be the Gov!
Heddy Lamaar with bulge-face…whoops, I meant Hedley.
This movie taught me that black people are so scary, they can take themselves hostage and no one would notice.
What a face, Johnson!
Look at the grin on Gene’s face. I love that man.
Wow, and he looks so DAMN FINE during the rest of the movie…:)
Sorry it’s been so long between movies…I’ve been watching EVERY SEASON OF 24 (and getting some awesome pics along the way)…next movie, I’m gonna try and take a stab at RED DRAGON!!!! Sweetbreads!
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The Cable Guy (1996)
Jim Carrey got TWENTY MILLION DOLLARS for this movie. Despite most of my friends hating it, I didn’t mind it. I was really wondering what the verdict was on the Sweet Twins murder case, and it taught me that if you kill your twin brother, you can blame it on an Asian gang.
I’d be licking that glass if I were you, Brod.
Mouth Guards make everyone look Radio-Faceish.
Well look at you, Skinny Minnie!
It’s like everything that Jefferson Airplane stood for is speaking THROUGH him.
NOW IT’S POSSESSING HIM! OUT, GRACE SLICK! OUT!
And Janeane Garofalo’s bar wench was superb…at the very least, she gets a chest A for effort!
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Good Will Hunting (1997)
It’s the FEEL GOOD HIT OF THE YEAR!!!!
It’s a classic Boston tale of happy-go-lucky kids, doin’ things like GROWING UP!
They run around town and do CRRRRAAAAAAAZY STUFF!
Oh, yeah, and there’s a genius dude and a shrink in there somewhere too. I think.
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